44 Comments

I knew I had some red flags but it still hurts to read 😭

Expand full comment
Jan 23Liked by Katherine Dee

Became paid subscriber for this comment. Wanted to push back on all the "context matters" objections. A list like this is useful because it's drawn from an especially dense library of personal experience, and because to some extent these points have proven to be durable over time. Context always matters, but often its better to live by a rule or principle than to defer to case by case judgements, in my opinion.

A big problem with romance is that, like alcohol, it intoxicates you while demanding that you constantly exercise good judgement. Personally, I spend a lot of time meditating on relationship questions in between relationships, because I know when I'm in it I can no longer be objective in any real sense, so I feel that that in between time is what really determines the character and shape of those relationships.

This list has tons of great food for thought; i agree with 80% of it and personally subscribe to at least half. Thanks @Friend!

Expand full comment

I don't know, this seems... misguided. Like compiling a 70 item list on how to swordfight or dance, it's just not a subject amenable to such treatment. Sure love can be risky and even dangerous (see domestic violence), but fundamentally, it is something where you just have to flow and roll with the punches. In that sense, the movie Before Sunrise is some of the best dating advice you can get.

Expand full comment
Jan 22Liked by Katherine Dee

Excellent list. Any of the items I'm not so sure about still feel like points that compel a very well considered reason for disagreeing with them.

Expand full comment

As someone without a lot of dating/relationship advice, a lot of this felt like it makes sense. Thanks for writing it!

Expand full comment

I say this with all the respect in the world Katherine because you are a great writer but this was my least favorite piece from you.

Expand full comment
Jan 21Liked by Katherine Dee

Good list. How many friends should someone have, so that, you know, it's not a red flag? I assume you mean men? Good advice if you're young, but most older men have maybe one friend, many none. We're not all serial killers, but it's quite hard to meet new friends, especially when you don't live in a major metropolitan area.

Expand full comment
Jan 21Liked by Katherine Dee

That is stellar insight..there was not one single point that I disagreed with, and many that I would never have thought of

Expand full comment
Jan 21Β·edited Jan 21Liked by Katherine Dee

VERY impressive and insightful list. But I am old fashioned enough to insist that if he doesn’t at least know, let alone sing or dance to.: Cole Porter / Frederick Loewe, Alan Jay Lerner / Charles Strouse,

/ Richard Rodgers, Oscar Hammerstein / Stephen Schwartz/ Bob Fosse/Stephen Sondheim/Sammy Cahn, he’s a total loser.

Expand full comment

#63.

Expand full comment
Jan 21Liked by Katherine Dee

#55 😊

Expand full comment
Jan 21Liked by Katherine Dee

I'm gonna cross post this, Katherine! It's brilliant!

Expand full comment